Wednesday, December 1, 2010

high school lied

I went to a Catholic school that only started teaching Sex Ed because it was threatened with withdrawal of State funding if it didn't start teaching us about condoms etc.

Their approach to this was to teach us that if a girl so much as looks at an erect penis, she will get pregnant.

Reality?

It's not that easy.

We've been 'trying' for almost nine months... well, we were trying for the six months between our wedding and when I got put onto paroxetine... then we had to stop for two months because I found out AFTER reading the labels -I was not told by my psychiatrist - that paroxetine has been known to cause serious birth defects of the neural tube persuasion.

I self-weaned off paroxetine when I realised it was giving me horrible vivid nightmares - Ace thinks they might have been closer to night-terrors because of the way that I was reacting to them even when asleep.

The other reason for self-weaning?

After four 'sessions' with the psychiatrist at $130/45minute session, she still didn't know who 'Ace' was when I was talking about him, in spite of the pages of 'notes' she had been taking during our talks.

The man is my husband. It says RIGHT THERE on my profile that Ace is the person to contact in an emergency.

I have had such an horrific time with shrinks that I have sworn off them... at least for the time being.

So now, we are back to trying to get pregnant.

One more week and I can wee in a cup, dip the stick in and wait for those two pink lines.

Strange part?

I won't be telling anyone in real life for at least a few months.... mainly because I can't trust my mother to keep it a secret for me.

Oh well.... got to love family.

--Anna

Friday, October 15, 2010

SSRI's

Paroxetine (as hcl) tablets 20mg.
30 count.
Take ONE tablet in the morning with or after food.
5 repeats prescribed.
I did some Google-fu and found that they are primarily used as an anti-anxiety measure.
So why on earth have I been prescribed these little white tablets?
Three anxiety/panic attacks (which are a result of the uncertainty I am suffering thanks to this epilepsy diagnosis) means that I've been put on something to stop me from being so panicky and freaking out every time I have acid reflux.SSRI's basically stop your brain from responding to the chemicals that cause negative feelings, which means that I'll, hopefully, be having less anxiety issues and less depressive episodes. Plus Paroxetine is one of the few SSRI's that won't interfere with any anti-convulsives that I might be prescribed.
I'm no longer working in an environment that kills my soul, either.
I decided that the flashing lights and constant noise right up until I was supposed to be asleep, not to mention the less than stellar calibre of the staff I was working with, weren't worth me feeling like crap every time I thought about having to go to work.
So I got a job in a call centre and now I don't even have to think when I'm at work. I have a script that I have to follow and there's no issues with co-workers, mainly because I choose not to interact with them very much, except for a few people I've known for years and just happen to be working in the call centre, too.

So, all in all, life is going a lot better, now!

long time no blog

Today, for something completely new and different, I was surfing the internet... and procrastinating. Reading Allie Brosh's blog (hyperbole and a half --->) I found her explanation about never becoming an adult entirely too relatable... but it's 2:39AM and the Android keyboard on my phone is giving my hand a cramp, so I'll expand on that tomorrow... if I remember. No promises!
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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Big day

And I say that in a completely ironic, sarcastic way. It has been the complete opposite of productive around here and, funnily enough, I am extremely proud of that fact.

I have no idea what Geek and I are going to do for dinner. I have not got the faintest clue where the last three hours have disappeared to (there may have been a nap involved).

Today was a day for apathy. I am totally over it.

Work sucks. The job I am doing is destroying my soul at a rate of knots and it is crushing my spirit along with it.

The job that I want to do, as far as I am aware, doesn't actually exist. There are TAFE courses that I can do, but they will give me a piece of paper that qualifies me to do precisely nothing that will earn me any money... and not only do we have a mortgage to finance, we have to cats relying on us for sustenance and dammit my kitties will not go hungry!

What I really want to do with my life- what I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember, is be a mum.

My secondary ambition (the one that is likely to make me money, and that I can likely manage to do at the same time as raising a brood of kidlets) is to be a writer.

Now, I don't care if it's journalism, blogging, fiction, research, proofreading, editing or beta-reading fanfiction- if I can get paid to read and write as a professional, my life will be complete.

I already beta read, and this blog is my attempt at making sure that I get some regular writing out (I know, I need more discipline... but between the seizure/syncope issues and some less than fantastic attempts to upgrade my computer I've been a little preoccupied with real life to blog regularly), but with the love and support of my Geek I may well be going back to TAFE next year to do a Certificate IV in Professional Writing and Editing.

God only knows what I can do with that qualification, but a few years ago when I mentioned perhaps undertaking that course one of my not-so-lovely relatives said 'Oh, yeah, that'll be as useful as a philosophy degree!'

So I didn't do it.

But now... now I have a chance to maybe do something that will make me a bit happier. Maybe if I start a full-time course I can drop the soul-crushing hours to 15 or so a fortnight -one or two nights per week- and get myself into a better frame of mind.

I'll keep you posted. Promise.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

diagnoses and specialists

I had another 'instance'. Well, a few actually. Five in total, now. After one of them I spent two nights in hospital (after 8 hours in casualty waiting to get admitted, finally taken up to the ward at 2:45AM) had a CT scan, an MRI and an ECG before finally getting sent home.

The whole theory about the aging population seems to have been confirmed by what I saw in the hospital- I get that older people get sick more often, but I cut a few laps of the ward and I was the youngest patient on the entire floor by a good thirty years.

Thank goodness for my Geek. When I got admitted it was after I'd been unconscious on the floor of the lounge for 90 minutes, called the ambulance and then followed it up to the hospital. He was going to stay with me until I got admitted, but I sent him home around eleven when it looked as if I was still a few hours off admittance... turned out I was right.

I'm also pretty grateful that mobile phones are allowed on the wards now- I was able to text Ace and request some real clothes (not to mention some pyjamas and my laptop). Those hospital gowns are less than flattering!

I got some jeans, a few t-shirts and- luxury of luxuries!- a bra delivered to me, plus a few dvds to keep my sanity intact.

Nothing like real clothes to make a girl feel human! Plus Ace, being the genius that he is, had thoughtfully made sure that the DVDs he had delivered were seasons 4 and 5 of House. Of course. I'm in hospital with some unknown thing making me pass out for extended periods so he gives me a TV show about a brilliant doctor to get me through.

Since the hospital admittance I've had four more 'instances'- we're not sure if they're seizures or syncope (sudden drop in bood pressure) but the longest I've been unconscious is 20 minutes, and I've flatly refused to go back to hospital, mainly because in the 48 hours I was actually up there I saw my doctor for a grand total of two minutes, and his lackeys (I assume interns/fellows) for about ten. I get that they're busy, but seriously?

I've had an EEG, too (the gel stuff they use makes your hair feel disgusting) and apparently the timeframe for results to come back is three weeks.

And then, of course, my 'specialist' appointment, which was supposed to be tomorrow, has been delayed to the 25th of August.

Stuff it, I'm going to make an appointment with my own doctor and see if we can figure it out.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

stupid body failing on me....

Well, more of a 'fell!' than a 'fail!'

I got out of the shower yesterday, and woke up half an hour later on the bathroom floor.

Totally blacked out. Freaky-deaky.

The scariest part was that I was home by myself. So I woke up, freezing, on the floor of the bathroom, with the cat licking my foot, no idea how I'd gotten from the shower to the tiles.

I got up and rang my Geek, and I think I freaked him out more than I was, because I think I had a panic attack while I was on the phone with him, so he came straight home from work (an hour early) and took me up to Casualty.

Three hours, two blood tests, five blood pressure tests and two hours on a heart monitor later, I'm the picture of health and they can't figure out what happened to make me black out.

Nothing like making a girl feel safe!

The only thing they could think of was that the sudden change in temperature (hot shower-cold bathroom) caused a drop in blood pressure and I blacked out, and the only thing that was definitely ruled OUT as a cause was pregnancy.

Which brings me to my next point.

Ever since a couple of months before we got married, my Geek and I have given up on the contraception thing, in pursuit of producing a Geekling.

Yes, that's right, not only do we have sex, but we want to make a baby happen as a result!

But, of course, this comes with its' own pitfalls.

The whole 'making a baby' thing is made out to be so damn EASY! Everyone, when you are a teenager, hammers home the whole 'use protection or you *will* get pregnant' line, but when you stop, and actually want to have a baby, it's suddenly not such a simple task.

It kind of makes me glad that we've kept this little decision to ourselves, because every single parenting forum that I have come across has multitudes of 'trying to concieve' boards with story after story of women becoming seriously depressed every time 'AF' (Aunt Flo - aka, your period [because, of course, you can't use the correct term on a message board supposedly for adult women]) arrives.

Some have truly heart-breaking stories of battles with infertility, but others seem to be using the boards as a place to complain that, while they and their 'DH' (dear/darling husband) are desperately trying to make a baby by charting (using a cervical thermometer to check basal body temperature), having sex during 'fertile times' and taking three different kinds of pre-pregnancy vitamins, their sister, sister-in-law, cousin and every single female workmate is getting pregnant 'without even trying!'.

Not one of them seems to realise that not everyone is so vocal about the fact that they're having sex every other day and sticking a thermometer up themselves at the same time every morning just to 'increase their chances.' Only one of my closest friends even knows that Geek and I are in the process of trying to get pregnant, and she is under strict instructions to slap me in the face if I start talking about cervical thermometers or mucus levels. Chances are that someone in my circle of friends is also in baby-making mode, and if I happen to be pregnant first then she'll be bitching about me somewhere on the internet, possibly to the tune of 'HOW DARE SHE GET PREGGO BEFORE ME AND STEAL MY THUNDER!? IF SHE STEALS MY BABY NAME I WILL CUT HER FACE!'.

Another thing I don't get, which is prolific on baby-centred websites, is posting a list of names that you like and asking the opinion of, essentially, a bunch of random strangers. Or, even worse, whingeing that someone else has 'stolen your name' when you've been telling all and sundry about your 'short-list' since your first pair of pink lines. If you don't want someone to use a name that you like, then don't tell them the names you like.

I don't want to be one of those women whose entire world revolves around the idea of a baby, who makes her husband have sex even if he doesn't feel up to it, and cries for two days after she gets her period.

I'm well aware that this process might take a while, I know that most couples take, on average, six months to conceive a baby. I know that pregnancy can suck royally, with everything from mild swelling of the ankles to nine and a half months of all-day 'morning' sickness, but that doesn't make me sad, it makes me excited.

Besides, if it happens 'naturally', via IVF, or if it comes to the point that we have to get rid of our cats so we can foster kids with a look to adopting one, I know that I am looking forward to being a mum.

I just hope that I can be good at it.

Monday, June 14, 2010

bahahahaha!

I can now blog from my phone. Perhaps This is not a totally new or wonderful thing to everyone else,but to me it is a huge deal.
So when I have a random thought I can just toss a blog post up without too much trouble, or tap out an idea, then come back later to flesh it out. Okay, love to all. Real post sometime tomorrow, after all it is a long weekend!

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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Movie Review- Julie and Julia

Attempting to get away from yesterdays' rather depressing topic- today I watched Julie & Julia, and may have rediscovered my cooking mojo.

Amy Adams and Meryl Streep were both fantastic. I can look past some of the anachronisms (for example, Notre Dame being alabaster in 1949, when it should have been black from pollution) and the somewhat ridiculous accent that Meryl did for most of her part of the movie, but it's still a fantastic story... plus I love Amy Adams' haircut.

The fact that the entire movie revolves around a blog also makes me smile.

I am considering getting hold of a cookbook from an Australian chef and cooking my way through that- maybe making some notes on here as I do.

The entire movie is very well put together and the food that is produced by both protagonists is enough to make anyone's mouth water.

Besides that, the actor who plays Julia Childs' husband is Stanley Tucci, the man who played Nigel in The Devil Wears Prada- the chemistry between them is really great!

Julie's (Amy) attitude towards her blog is really not surprising- for the first little while she is somewhat pessimistic about it (her mothers' attitude doesn't help much) but as she gains followers she gets more into it.

Her dedication to her blog is admirable- making me think that I should maybe set myself some kind of goal with this one so that I don't abandon it again!

Julia's journey through her cooking school in France is amazing- the fact that she's the only woman in the class doesn't hold her back, but the woman who runs the cooking school seems to think that a womans' place is certainly not as a professional chef- the first class that Julia takes teaches the women how to boil eggs!

It's enough to make me want to spend the money on my kitchen remodel- but I need to find a job that isn't so soul destroying  so that I can fund it.

I'm not going to give any more away (nothing worse than when a reviewer just summarizes the entire movie) but it's definitely worth the watch.

Now, I am going to make something delicious for myself for dinner. No idea what, but it will involve beef.

--Geek Wife.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Pokies.

As of a few weeks ago, I am working 2-3 nights a week at a local gaming venue- most of my shifts start between 4 and 6 then finish around midnight-3AM, so that means I'm seeing less of my Geek- he's not home before I leave for work and I'm asleep when he gets up to go to his job.

But the money's good and we've worked out that I've only got to be at this place for about three or four months and then the work is optional- so I can look for something else... which I still am doing- working at a pokie machine venue is slightly soul-destroying.

I understand that pokies are supposed to be fun and games and happy la la lets have a few drinks and put some money into the pretty machine and watch it light up while it plays pretty music, but watching someone push $500 through a machine in half an hour isn't something I can feel particularly good about.

I understand that it's not a good thing to judge people by appearances, but when someone comes into the venue, in worn thin tracksuit pants, a designer-ripoff-bought-at-the-market-for-$10 hoodie and joggers so ancient that the shoelaces have been re-tied mid tongue, then proceeds to feed 10 or 15 $50 notes into a gambling machine, it makes me wonder.

What else was that money supposed to be spent on? Was that the grocery money for the fortnight? The rent money? Was that supposed to be petrol in the car or money off the mortgage, but this person decided to come into my place of work and spend it all on digital spinning wheels that are programmed to only give back 20c of each dollar put into them?

Statistically speaking, less than 2% of the revenue from the machines comes back into the venue. 18-20% goes back to the player, depending on the machine. Then, of the other 78-80c that goes in, 40c goes to the government as Pokies Revenue, and the remaining 38-40c goes to the company that owns the machine.

Seems like the player gets a raw deal.

I get that it's each persons' choice to put the money into the note acceptor, but where is the accountability? I understand that any win greater than $1000 legally has to be paid by cheque, as a supposed 'control measure' to prevent people pouring money back into the machines. I understand that ATMs on-site have to be out of sight from any gaming machine on the floor, and will only dispense a certain amount per card per day, and that they won't let you withdraw from a credit account.

But the number of people I see coming into the venue I work at, which, honestly, is in a lower socio-economic area, and pouring what I classify as a fortnights' pay into a pokie machine, then walking out looking like the world is about to end, is a crushing reality.

The money might be good, but damn, I sometimes wish I'd never obtained my Gaming Industry Employee License, because witnessing what I am is making me go more than a little bit mental.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

BRUTAL PRUNING

Ace did something remarkably stupid today. (Well, stupid by his usual above-average-intelligence standards)

He gave me a set of secateurs, a small saw, a pair of gardening gloves and told me to 'go and prune the camellia's while I mow the front lawn.'

BIG MISTAKE.

This is what he came back to- I'm so disappointed that I forgot to take a 'before' picture... but I may be back tomorrow with a photo of the pile of leaves and branches that is in the corner of the yard... hang on. Did Ace's parents take those... yes. They've taken them to the tip. Damn.

Oh, well. Aftermath!



Bear in mind, these trees were up to the height of the roof of the verandah and so thick that I had *no* natural light in my kitchen.

They are now stumps! Huzzah!

And tomorrow I'm going to Bunnings to learn how to prep a Veggie Garden at one of their free learn-how-to-do-it-yourself thinghies, which will go into the space occupied by the patch of weeds illustrated below.




(Hopefully the next photo will be of a lovely patch of raked earth with plastic labels for the various veggies sticking out of the ground.)


See you when I have a veggie patch!

--Anna

Monday, April 26, 2010

Honeymoon Over

So the Honeymoon is OVER.

*waaah!* (that was me, bawling. I wanted that honeymoon to keep on going for *ever*...)

So we went to Tasmania - started in Launceston, then down to Bicheno, further south to Hobart then back to Port Sorrell. Excellent nosh.

Seven wineries, three breweries, two chocolatiers, a raspberry farm, a cheese place and the best deep fried squid I have had in my life. I am fairly certain that I gained five kilos over the ten nights, even with the many long walks up and down beaches, up and down many many many stairs to various waterfalls and rivers.

What else?

We had the *geek out* moment when Ace had a minor meltdown in Hobart... the promised broadband internet at the hotel turned out to be 56kbps and he almost cried when his email inbox came up with 54 unread emails.

Perhaps it was a bit too cruel to take him to Bicheno for two whole nights... no internet, no mobile phone reception, nothing. He seemed to like it for the first six or seven hours, but the second night I had to ply him with wine to get him down off the railing around the verandah, holding his phone to the heavens in a futile attempt to get reception.

Right now he seems much, much happier. A happy geek is an easy geek to live with. He is on his computer playing Battlefield and chatting with his friends on TeamSpeak.

(plus he's letting me watch Glee and Castle while he plays, not even getting snarky about the volume). All I can say is thank god for our DVR and the fact that we didn't have any major issues with it while we were away!

So we have a few days until the new episodes of Glee air here in Australia, so I'm actively avoiding all the websites that have any spoilers on them.

Anyway. Wedding/Honeymoon is over! Wedding went off without a hitch, and the present haul was more than impressive... plus the photos are amazing!

So when I get a chance I will be updating a little more. Also, I think I want a new computer. But the Wedding/Honeymoon has cleaned us out. Which sucks. But who knows, perhaps the PowerBall draw next week will fall in our favour and my life will be Baileys over ice until the vodka is frozen....

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Bread!

We got an early wedding present for ourselves!

Yes, it's a breadmaker.

And the results have been delicious.

We got a packet of Sourdough mix and I've made two loaves of bread so far, but the difficulty I had extracting the first loaf from the pan in the maker meant that I cooked the second loaf in a Tupperware baking dish.

Came out divine, though. The second loaf also had cheese and bacon through it... note to self, let it rise for longer next time (it's a bit heavy but the Geek still loved it and has eaten more than 2/3 of the loaf already).

Who'd have thought that a house with two PC's, a laptop, four mobile phones and three gaming systems would also be a home for fresh-baked bread?

The smell is divine as it permeates the house, though.

I think I'll go hunting on the interwebs for some good bread ideas/tips/recipes.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Wedding stuff gets finalised

Okay, so I'm not *actually* the GeekWife just yet... at the moment I'm the GeekFiance, but that's not quite as catchy, and I'd have to change the blog title in 6 days... which would suck.

So I am the GeekFiance at the moment.

The term 'GeekWife' in itself is not quite descriptive enough. I am, indeed a Geek (hey, you live with one for long enough and it rubs off... a lot) but I am also soon-to-be-married to a Geek, a man whose job entails 8 hours of sitting in front of a computer, whose leisure time is spent, you guessed it, in front of a computer.

Anyway, today's blog is about the finalisation of the wedding arrangements.

My dress is getting its' final alterations made, and my Geek's shirt is hanging in the closet. I'm not stupid (or cruel) enough to try and get him to wear a tie, so instead it's a silk shirt with a Mandarin collar and frog buttons.

This entire wedding's theme actually centres on the fact that the Geek didn't want to wear a tie; so we decided that our theme would be Asian Fusion (plus, I look like a Zombie Bride when I wear white- what better excuse to wear red than a Chinese-inspired reception).

Wedding stuff aside (as it seems to have taken over my life of late) the Geek was on tv.com the other day and has informed me that, due to our honeymoon schedule, we will each miss no less than three episodes of our favourite shows.

Lame.

But the honeymoon part will (hopefully) make up for it.

I believe that the contents of the suitcase that I have packed for us to take on our honeymoon really does illustrate just how Geeky the two of us are- not limited to just our mobile phones and laptop, we've got two iPods, a Sony eBook reader, two digital cameras, a USB modem so that we can get online no matter where our travels take us and a Canon Selphy photo printer.

Then there's the other suitcase, the one with our clothes in it.

I've got my portable hard-drive backing up selected TV shows and music so that we don't get bored and my mother has done nothing but admonish me about my inability to live without technology.

I personally don't care if it's an addiction, it's better than booze!

(Plus, we've agreed that neither of us will touch Facebook for the duration of the honeymoon).

Perhaps that will be enough of a technological drought to make us talk to each other in person rather than over the internet...

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time...

don't all good stories start that way?

I guess this one should be no exception.

Once upon a time... okay, it was October of 2008... I met a Geek. A GamerGeek, with touches of ShyGeek.

He asked me out- in a less than romantic fashion (what can you expect from a Geek, really?)- by asking my then-current boss (the man who used to be his boss, but at the time Geek and I met, was on the same management level as Geek) for my number.

So, not exactly ideal.

I still decided, in spite of the fact that I knew he was a Geek, to give him a chance. So, I said yes to the date and, after going to see a movie with Mum and Aunty, met him at a bar to have a few beers with the Geek.

His name is Ace, and it only took him twenty minutes to slip up and start talking about Stargate... considering his obsession level, he showed considerable restraint.

He bought me a beer, then another, and a third, and before I knew what had happened it was after midnight on a Wednesday and I had to be at work by 8AM, so he walked me halfway to my car and kissed me goodnight- but not before entering his IM username in my phone and insisting that I be online the following night.

* * * *

When Ace and I first met, we were working for the same company, but in vastly different roles. I was, essentially, doing his old job in one city, while he had moved upwards and sideways, diverting out of customer service and heading into the realms of Tech Support.

I hadn't met him before he came to visit my store, I came back from lunch to find a strange man in the stock-room talking to my manager and nursing a takeaway coffee.

He didn't look like a Geek at first glance- dark denim jeans that appeared to actually fit him, a designer-label t-shirt that didn't feature a binary joke, high-end sunglasses and a decent haircut.

Looks, indeed, can be deceiving.

It took all of two minutes of conversation with him for me to realise that I was dealing with a highly evolved Geek, a rare man who manages to combine a job that is largely sedentary and a love of video games, which also requires little physical movement, with a decent physique and a distinct love of good food and wine.

His musical tastes leave something to be desired, but if he was the perfect man then he wouldn't be Ace- he'd be some weird half man-half robot and, as awesome as that would be, I don't think that any marriage between us would be legal.

* * * *

Speaking of marriage- on April 3rd, I will become Mrs Geek, and the title of GeekWife will truly be mine. Call me a cheater (but only at video games), I wanted to get in early.

Plus, if I didn't register the domain name now, who knows what might have happened to it!?

Keep it virtual.

--Anna.