stupid body failing on me....

Well, more of a 'fell!' than a 'fail!'

I got out of the shower yesterday, and woke up half an hour later on the bathroom floor.

Totally blacked out. Freaky-deaky.

The scariest part was that I was home by myself. So I woke up, freezing, on the floor of the bathroom, with the cat licking my foot, no idea how I'd gotten from the shower to the tiles.

I got up and rang my Geek, and I think I freaked him out more than I was, because I think I had a panic attack while I was on the phone with him, so he came straight home from work (an hour early) and took me up to Casualty.

Three hours, two blood tests, five blood pressure tests and two hours on a heart monitor later, I'm the picture of health and they can't figure out what happened to make me black out.

Nothing like making a girl feel safe!

The only thing they could think of was that the sudden change in temperature (hot shower-cold bathroom) caused a drop in blood pressure and I blacked out, and the only thing that was definitely ruled OUT as a cause was pregnancy.

Which brings me to my next point.

Ever since a couple of months before we got married, my Geek and I have given up on the contraception thing, in pursuit of producing a Geekling.

Yes, that's right, not only do we have sex, but we want to make a baby happen as a result!

But, of course, this comes with its' own pitfalls.

The whole 'making a baby' thing is made out to be so damn EASY! Everyone, when you are a teenager, hammers home the whole 'use protection or you *will* get pregnant' line, but when you stop, and actually want to have a baby, it's suddenly not such a simple task.

It kind of makes me glad that we've kept this little decision to ourselves, because every single parenting forum that I have come across has multitudes of 'trying to concieve' boards with story after story of women becoming seriously depressed every time 'AF' (Aunt Flo - aka, your period [because, of course, you can't use the correct term on a message board supposedly for adult women]) arrives.

Some have truly heart-breaking stories of battles with infertility, but others seem to be using the boards as a place to complain that, while they and their 'DH' (dear/darling husband) are desperately trying to make a baby by charting (using a cervical thermometer to check basal body temperature), having sex during 'fertile times' and taking three different kinds of pre-pregnancy vitamins, their sister, sister-in-law, cousin and every single female workmate is getting pregnant 'without even trying!'.

Not one of them seems to realise that not everyone is so vocal about the fact that they're having sex every other day and sticking a thermometer up themselves at the same time every morning just to 'increase their chances.' Only one of my closest friends even knows that Geek and I are in the process of trying to get pregnant, and she is under strict instructions to slap me in the face if I start talking about cervical thermometers or mucus levels. Chances are that someone in my circle of friends is also in baby-making mode, and if I happen to be pregnant first then she'll be bitching about me somewhere on the internet, possibly to the tune of 'HOW DARE SHE GET PREGGO BEFORE ME AND STEAL MY THUNDER!? IF SHE STEALS MY BABY NAME I WILL CUT HER FACE!'.

Another thing I don't get, which is prolific on baby-centred websites, is posting a list of names that you like and asking the opinion of, essentially, a bunch of random strangers. Or, even worse, whingeing that someone else has 'stolen your name' when you've been telling all and sundry about your 'short-list' since your first pair of pink lines. If you don't want someone to use a name that you like, then don't tell them the names you like.

I don't want to be one of those women whose entire world revolves around the idea of a baby, who makes her husband have sex even if he doesn't feel up to it, and cries for two days after she gets her period.

I'm well aware that this process might take a while, I know that most couples take, on average, six months to conceive a baby. I know that pregnancy can suck royally, with everything from mild swelling of the ankles to nine and a half months of all-day 'morning' sickness, but that doesn't make me sad, it makes me excited.

Besides, if it happens 'naturally', via IVF, or if it comes to the point that we have to get rid of our cats so we can foster kids with a look to adopting one, I know that I am looking forward to being a mum.

I just hope that I can be good at it.